Abandons

Will you abandon me too?

When you look away for a second or two my mind races to why you would hate me so.

When the clocks turns an hour and my question is still un-replied, I wonder if this is how it ends.

I wonder and ponder what is enough and what is too much, I try to be cool and chilled out for you but inside am bursting if you as much as gaze away for a second too long.

I know it’s not you, I know you like me too but none of these are interlinked nor do they hold logic when one tick turns to two and you are online but not ‘typing dot dot dot’.

You don’t start topics, no flirting, no jokes no smileys. Didn’t we have a great time when we were together? I know that is what I must hold on to but the aloofness and the evasion is getting to me and I am wondering if you are ‘one of those’ too.

Is there a world where I don’t have to wonder or distract myself from checking my phone the millionth time or not push you to archives because your name causes anxiety?

Is there ever going to be a time when I don’t have to ‘figure it out’ or ‘deduce’ your meaning from your silences? When my heart is secured with love and sealed with assurance and no more distrusting your every encounter?

Why is being distant everyone’s problem and no one’s ‘texts too much’? How am I so addicted and so available but it's no one else’s coping mechanism?

This does say a lot about me, but is it saying something about you too? I am anxious but are you avoidant, is that true?