Could you please LIVE?
To the emotionally unavailables:
Yes, life fucked with you, it hardened you and now you feel you are beyond repair. Always guarded, always ‘proper’, always an eye over your shoulder to catch any backstabs before they sneak up on you. Hey, I am sorry you had to go through all that, but what are you going to do about it now?
You can of course continue to be reserved, happy in your own solo world, only letting someone in on your terms while you stand with a foot in the door, in case who you let in starts getting too comfortable and needs an emergency evacuation. I know your heart needs guarding and layers and layers of wool to prevent any future shocks or hard stops, but you’re half ass-ing your way through life.
Life that will happen only once, life that throws you those tiny rays of sun in the wee hours of the morning, only through that east facing window. Aren’t you half ass-ing your way through actual ‘living’, living that makes you gasp and breathe deeper and paces your heart and sometimes also makes you weep.
But at least you weep, at least you feel something at the pit of your heart, hard enough to weep and then to smile through your eyes and laugh and roll on the floor. You feel joy at the sight of a butterfly that just grazed your nose, you feel elated when someone cute smiles at you in a cafe, your head spins after that unexpected first kiss, a kiss that can be called ‘too soon’ that might ‘lead to nothing’ that possibly ‘means nothing’, but a kiss nonetheless. Your impulse makes you cancel plans to spend that extra minute with that very interesting person pouring their heart out without inhibitions instead of being suspicious of why someone would do that!
C’mon open up, lighten up, yes, life broke your heart, yes it hurt when you let yourself be vulnerable, but at least you felt something. You saw the shades of darkness that sorrow can drive you to, you overcame something that deserves a million accolades.
You deserve a million accolades, because you let yourself be vulnerable and took that leap of faith. You took that leap of faith and you fell on your face and then struggled hard to heal and be able to run again. C’mon open your wings up, let yourself soar, take a flight again, what will you do with all that you learnt from that last fall anyway, use it.
USE those moments to get better at living, to feel harder and to enjoy those moments that left you shattered. Use those moments to be kinder to those who maybe hurting, just like you did, and are building walls brick by brick, use those moments to enter those walls and inspire them to enjoy the wall-less breeze instead. Please LIVE.
