When a boy takes a nap
You know those initial stages with a person where you feel like something could happen? That moment when you decide to hold your breath to see if you’re feeling the butterflies? You go out of your way to try and spend more time with the person, just to fast track finding the route it would eventually take. When you first met the person without any agenda, it went, let’s say, not exceptional, but good nonetheless. Conversations were interesting and when you hugged to say bye, you felt him linger long enough for you to, for the first time, wonder if you guys are ‘clicking’.
But many moons later, one of those nights when one drink turned into two and you tried to hit the bed but definitely didn’t doze off as soon as your head hit the bed, you started chatting. One thing led to another and soon you’re wide awake, warm inside and your loins burning from time to time because the conversations have somehow gotten steamy. You chat all night that night and as much as you kept it in your pants, he’s definitely moving too fast. He is planning a relationship already and has expressed, far too many times, how pleasantly surprised he is with the turn of events. It suddenly sucks that both of you are travelling and that sweetens the sweet pain of missing each other. Chat night turns into chat days, you’re trying your best to profile his online self, you’re excited but also conversations are kinda fading away. But that’s online chatting for you, fatigue kicks in pretty fast…right?
You’ve been very accommodating so far, you’ve not over thought the chatting fatigue, you try not to notice patterns of his messaging hour, you notice but brush away patterns in his choice of topics for conversation and how just about everything very easily and almost always becomes physical, full of sexual innuendos. You pass all these hurdles and finally meet him! Okay, so the welcome wasn’t as ceremonious as was discussed over chat but soon enough the conversations will be, oh, there comes his cell phone, he seems distracted, maybe it’s something urgent, he is an Instagram celebrity after all. He excuses himself for few minutes when you start looking visibly uncomfortable with the distractions. He needs to make a quick post. Sure. Food comes in and conversations still aren’t picking up the way you’d imagined, oh, he needs you to click his picture with the food, ah, for an Instagram story…of course. Let’s just say the rest of the meet was much much much less than perfect, but you see him trying and trying to make up, “At least he tried”.
He requests you to come home the next day, you’re not quite convinced but you also want to give this a try, so you make the effort, travel an hour and with a fresh heart try it again. Everything is forgotten and forgiven, we all have rough days and I guess our biggest mistake was to build a whole lifetime worth of dreams within a few days, that too online. A fresh start is the only thing that can salvage it now. And then…. he decides to take a nap.
When a guy decides to take a nap after you’ve travelled an hour to reach his empty house, girl, RUN. RUN before this nap turns into a norm, before it turns acceptable. Run before this nap turns into what he thinks of you, heck, what you think of yourself. This nap is not about the act of sleeping, it is someone refusing to put in an effort, it is an indication that there are no sparks, it is a cry for help, honestly, it is not THAT big a deal at all. What will, however, become a big deal is what will ensue if you stay a minute longer. With every passing minute you will be disrespecting yourself, your time and your value. NO your value isn’t defined by another person but choosing to stay where you aren’t celebrated will definitely diminish it in your own eyes. When a guy decides to nap, right after you’ve kissed and maybe felt that tiny spark, a spark that he isn’t ready to work on, a path he isn’t ready to tend to, on day 1, run my love, run. IF a guy can have the audacity of doing this, the same guy who was measuring relationship goals on chat day ONE, and yet look you in the eye wondering why you’d want to leave, all he wanted to do was nap, shouldn’t you want to nap with him too? Run, you! When a guy decides to take a nap, call it out sister, call it out because he never will. Call it out but be mindful of his ego, because he will squirm for sure. Call it out and run as far as you can, and make it obvious, heck make it very obvious, yes, even though he’s so hot, even though he’s so cool, even though ohh ‘but what have I got to lose’. Run my sweets, because that’s the only thing that can save you and your ever so pure heart that wanted to try it out and give this a ‘fresh start’, on day THREE of you guys having met.
As for him? When he went too fast and spoke of relationships on chat day one, he did that perhaps because that’s what he thought you wanted to hear, perhaps this is what will loosen you up in those steamy chats. When he kept the conversations steamy, that is what he really wanted to do, but when you expressed the need to have deeper meaningful conversations, it sowed the first seeds of disinterest. The need to take it fast was less to do with how well you sparked and more to do with his limited time in the city, within which timeframe he perhaps wanted to ‘seal the deal’.
Something tells me, deep within him, perhaps, there truly was a desire to be able to take his mask off with someone, someone who swept him off his feet, someone he could forget about Instagram with for once and someone who would take him for what he truly was and becomes his reason to stay grounded instead of the pretentious attention he received from ‘fans’.
I felt you, I felt these small tinges and caught the fleeting glimpses of the micro second when your mask was off. I saw it, felt it and truly wished to resonate with it, I wished really hard that eventually you would take that mask off for much longer and eventually for good and loosen up, be okay with being vulnerable and feel the jitters one feels before taking that leap of faith. You were ready for the ‘idea of it all’ but you were not really ready to invest in something so deep. You were not ready and I was not your person. And both of these things are fine. One day you will find your anchor and your reason to stay.
Until then, I hope you find a way back to who you once were, before you left on this very long journey of losing yourself. I wish you well.
